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I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren’t funny.

Michael Caine

There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.
MICHAEL CAINE

Culture Hate Myself People Tolerance World
I’m not in the Lifetime Achievement area yet-I’m still battling it out in the trenches.
MICHAEL CAINE

Achievement Battle Life Myself Time
When I look in the mirror, I see someone who’s happy with how he looks, because I was never one of the handsome Hollywood people. And I’ve had success as I’ve gotten older, because I’m able to play characters. I no longer get the girl, but I get the part.
MICHAEL CAINE

Character Happiness Mirror Myself People Play
A man should dress in a way that you don’t notice. He looks good and you don’t know why. But it’s the tailoring, the materials, and the clothes.
MICHAEL CAINE

Clothes Himself Man Material Notice Way
For all my education, accomplishments, and so called ‘wisdom’… I can’t fathom my own heart.
MICHAEL CAINE

Accomplishment Education Heart Myself Wisdom
A lot of people said, Who do you think you are? I told them I know exactly who I am and I’ll tell you exactly where I’m going.
MICHAEL CAINE

Destination Journey Myself People Thinking
English is clipped in speech. Texas is exactly the opposite.
MICHAEL CAINE

Language Opposite Speech
I was so poor for so long that I didn’t use anything. I didn’t drive cars, I didn’t eat very much. So, I figured the world owed me a debt, so I’ve been eating very well and have had a very big car for a long time. But I still haven’t caught up with my youth.
MICHAEL CAINE

Age Car Drive Eat Myself Poor Youth
About Superman and Batman: the former is how America views itself, the latter, darker character is how the rest of the world views America.
MICHAEL CAINE

Character Darkness Form Myself View World
I feel like 35. At 35 you’re old enough to know something and young enough to look forward to what you can do with the knowledge. So I stayed at 35!
MICHAEL CAINE

Enough Feeling Knowledge Myself Old Stay
Save your money. You’re going to need twice as much money in your old age as you think.
MICHAEL CAINE

Age Money Old Save Thinking Yourself
Acting is not a competition; everything must be done for the good of the film or else everybody loses.
MICHAEL CAINE

Act Competition Goodness Lose Movie
It’s vital to have your own space so you aren’t constantly in each other’s pockets.
MICHAEL CAINE

Each Other Space Vital Yourself
Theater acting is an operation with a scalpel, movie acting is an operation with a laser.
MICHAEL CAINE

Movie Operation Theatre
I prefer to remake flops. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was a remake of a flop, and The Quiet American is a remake of a flop.
MICHAEL CAINE

Choice Movie Myself Preference Repeat
At age 11, I went to a Jewish school. I speak Yiddish. I’m Church of England Protestant. My father was Catholic, and my mother was Protestant. My wife is a Muslim.
MICHAEL CAINE

Age Children Father Relationship Religion Talk
You don’t sacrifice your individuality; you sacrifice a lot of freedom.
MICHAEL CAINE

Freedom Individual Sacrifice Unique Yourself
You start pretending to have fun, you might have a little by accident.
MICHAEL CAINE

Accident Fun Pretend Start Yourself
Obsession is a young man’s game, and my only excuse is that I never grew old.
MICHAEL CAINE

Excuse Game Growth Man Myself Obsession Young
I always exposed the weakness rather than the nastiness.
MICHAEL CAINE

Myself Nasty Weakness
Use the difficulties – if you can’t avoid them
MICHAEL CAINE

Avoid Choice Difficult Inspirational Perspective Yourself
I never regret anything. I always said that when I’m old, I want to be sitting there regretting the things that I did and not the things that I didn’t do; and now I’m old, and I don’t regret anything! I had fun. I had fun, and I’m still having it.
MICHAEL CAINE

Fun Life Myself Old Regard Regret Talk
The trouble with women? Elbows.
MICHAEL CAINE

Hands Trouble Woman
My mum never understood how much I earned. When I told her I earned a million pounds a film, she said, ‘How much is that?’
MICHAEL CAINE

Mom Money Myself Understand Unknown Worth
The old guys like me started in the theatre. I was in the theatre for nine years.
MICHAEL CAINE

Man Myself Old Start Theatre Time
The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly – because if they don’t speak fast enough, nobody will listen to them.
MICHAEL CAINE

Enough Fast Human Listening Nature People Powerful Rule Speak
What a lot of people dont realize about gangs, in my opinion, is that a gang is not there to attack you. Eighty percent of the people in a gang are there to stop anyone from attacking them. You join a gang for protection, not to go out and hit someone.
MICHAEL CAINE

Attack Hit Opinion People Protection Yourself

I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren’t funny.

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I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren’t funny.

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