“Humor is just another defense against the universe.”

I loved Westerns as a little kid, and I loved horror films.

If Shaw and Einstein couldn’t beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

I love writing songs. I’m a songwriter.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin.

Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy.

I’m still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

You’re always a little disappointing in person because you can’t be the edited essence of yourself.

You’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.

Oh, I’m not a true genius. I’m a near genius. I would say I’m a short genius. I’d rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs.

But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality.

My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible.

I’ll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there’s some great comedy minds and performances.

A brushstroke of vanity is good to add into the mix, to balance your timidity.

I am still so surprised! That is why I am against it. We must learn to be surprised.

There is a war to wage against the vulgar, the glorification of the absurd, a war that is incessant, universal.

You never know if you can actually do something against all odds until you actually do it.

So many people and institutions are against homosexuals that, as a homosexual, you can’t waste your time by trying to convince them that you’re a good person.

You don’t have to love me. Just don’t leave me,” he said against my leg

If people don’t think the odds are against you, you’re doing it wrong.

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.

I am against marriage, and I don’t give a fig for society.