“I laugh at myself.”

Sometimes you have to listen to fools, they may have a point.

Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.

If I’m smart then I’ll run away, but I’m not so I guess I’ll stay

The patriarchy continues to try to crush my neck with heavy boots, cut off my life force, and take away my voice – even those who call themselves artists, you know who you are.

If your joy is derived from what society thinks of you, you’re always going to be disappointed.

No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.

Everyone probably thinks that I’m a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite when the truth is I’d rather read a book.

If you’re afraid to die you won’t be able to live.

A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.

Family is everything. Family comes first. It’s not what I expected it to be, but nothing ever is.

I am because we are. We all bleed the same color. We all want to love and be loved.

I’ve been popular and unpopular successful and unsuccessful loved and loathed and I know how meaningless it all is. Therefore I feel free to take whatever risks I want.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion

Pray with me in the temple of pride.

I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.

There is no me without you! Losing you was the catalyst for everything.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints – the sinners are much more fun.

I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.

I don’t do politics. I just like to laugh.

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian.

If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.