“Heck by the time a man scratches his behind, clears his throat, and tells me how smart he is, we’ve already wasted fifteen minutes.”

Justice requires us to remember that when any citizen denies his fellow, saying, ‘His color is not mine,’ or ‘His beliefs are strange and different,’ in that moment he betrays America, though his forebears created this nation.

At the desk where I sit, I have learned one great truth. The answer for all our national problems – the answer for all the problems of the world – come to a single word. That word is “education.”

If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better.

Democrats legislate; Republicans investigate.

We have talked long enough in this country about equal rights. It is time now to write the next chapter – and to write it in the books of law.

There is no issue of States’ rights or National rights. There is only the struggle for human rights.

Our understanding of how to live with one another is still far behind our knowledge of how to destroy one another.

I’ll have those n**gers voting Democratic for the next 200 years.

You know, doing what is right is easy. The problem is knowing what is right.

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure.

I want real loyalty. I want someone who will kiss my ass in Macy’s window, and say it smells like roses.

The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men.

Free speech, free press, free religion, the right of free assembly, yes, the right of petition. Well, they are still radical ideas.

In the Great Society, work shall be an outlet for mans interests and desires. Each individual shall have full opportunity to use his capacities in employment which satisfies personally and contributes generally to the quality of the Nations life.

Better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.

It’s too bad, but the way American people are, now that they have all this capability, instead of taking advantage of it, they’ll probably just piss it all away.

Secret is something which a person tells everybody not to tell anybody.

Don’t be something you’re not. Unless you can be a fabulous unicorn. Always be a fabulous unicorn.

Face your problems! Unless your problem is your face.

When I do something stupid with money and lose it, I call that Stupid Tax. I have paid so much Stupid Tax that I am expert.

Remember, the only difference between ‘marital’ and ‘martial’ is where you put the ‘i’.

Funny how being fucked isn’t nearly as pleasing as I remember.

Picasso said that everything is a miracle, that it’s a miracle that we don’t dissolve in our baths.

If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.