I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARDYankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD