Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELDI was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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The best revenge is living well.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELD