There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELDThere’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELD