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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

Jerry Seinfeld

I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
JERRY SEINFELD

Funny Marriage Voice Wife
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bore Long Need Stories
See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELD

Important Know Reservation Reservations
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD

Creative Idea Pursuit Want
That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELD

Breakup Build Immunity Three Two
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
JERRY SEINFELD

Funny Humorous Music
You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
JERRY SEINFELD

Give Send Sweatpant World
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
JERRY SEINFELD

Love Magazines Medium Space
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
JERRY SEINFELD

People Series Television Year
There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
JERRY SEINFELD

Life More Obvious Shallow
I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
JERRY SEINFELD

Car Crazy Years
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD

Bad Movie Sarcastic Stranger
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELD

Compare Need Smart Wise
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
JERRY SEINFELD

Bless Life Torture
There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
JERRY SEINFELD

People Skill Socially Two
The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
JERRY SEINFELD

Comedian Funny Night Real

If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

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