If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELDThere are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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The best revenge is living well.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD
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