See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
JERRY SEINFELDThere are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD