Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELDThere are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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The best revenge is living well.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
JERRY SEINFELD -
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD -
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELD