Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
JERRY SEINFELDThe toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
JERRY SEINFELD