“Previously, on Lock, Stock, I went to bed at two in the morning and woke up at five in the morning, and on this one I was known to nod off on the set occasionally.”

My principal job is to make interesting and entertaining films, and I’m not proud of which format or which particular technique I use. I just wanted the film to look good.

You get a different kick out of all aspects of filmmaking.

It’s still too early to say how my wife will influence my life. But I do already know that it’s sometimes hard work living with her.

I love fatherhood. I could bang on about kids forever.

We can all be conned but at what point do we realize that we’re being conned and to what point do we allow ourselves to be conned?

If you change the rules on what controls you… you will change the rules on what you can control.

I can understand that the whole world is interested in my wife Madonna. That’s even why I married her.

I think it’s that much harder to make a good comedy than it is straight and apparently serious.

I like to think that we’ve got a plan, so let’s stick to it. That said, once we’ve stuck to it, we’re allowed as much improvisation as anyone cares to indulge themselves in.

I suppose directing on set is the most fun because it’s a good crack and you feel you’re on the battlefield whereas writing is a fairly solitary undertaking.

I don’t like the idea of agents in a typical form. The idea of agents, to me, brings up the idea of a man in a very boring suit who’s not very good looking and doesn’t have much attention to style.

I’m not under too much of an illusion of how smart or un-smart I am because filmmaking ultimately is about teamwork.

It’s not easy to strap yourself down to a desk and bash on a keyboard when you know you can direct lots of films, because directing films is fun and interactive and gregarious. Writing isn’t.

One of the interesting and exciting things about my job is watching technological ground being pioneered.

I got too fed up with films that didn’t make you think. I liked the idea of one that you’d have to be dancing around with. I like my mind to be engaged when I watch a film.

I’d like to work with the missus, but there’s nothing in the pipeline at the moment.

Being a mother is a little like ‘Groundhog’s Day.’ It’s getting out of bed and doing the exact same things again and again and yet again – and it’s watching it all get undone again and again and yet again. It’s humbling, monotonous, mind-numbing, and solitary.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

You know what they say, dress your best when you go to bed because you don’t know who you’ll see in your dreams.

I grew up in a flat with my brothers and my cousins. My brothers were in the same bed.

Commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.

I often think that a slightly exposed shoulder emerging from a long satin nightgown packs more sex than two naked bodies in bed.

I spend a lot of time in bed when I’m off. But if I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll go to a gallery.

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.