“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.”

Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men’s imperfections, and conceal your own.

You have learnt something. That always feels at first as if you have lost something.

Your friends are all the dullest dogs.

Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

In heaven an angel is no one in particular.

Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.

Youth is wasted on the young.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.

I choose not to make a graveyard of my body for the rotting corpses of dead animals.

Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.

Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?

I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.

If I don’t have cereal on the bus, I’m going to be really upset.

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t tell me that you’re taxed enough already, and that you want constitutional government and then in the next breath say, ‘Bring me home some bacon.’ The pig has been picked clean.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn’t much better than tedious disease.

Heavenly Father and Mother, make us thankful for all the blessings of this life, and make us ever mindful of the patient hands that oft in weariness spread our tables and prepare our daily food. For humanity’s sake, Amen.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.