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I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Ellen DeGeneres

I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It’s not easy to find those people all the time, but they’re out there.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Honest People
Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It’s not a number at all.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Beauty Between Numbers Size
There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don’t even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don’t seem to have time now.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Anymore Golf Jobs Running Understand
If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Spring Want
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness – and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I’m a human trying to make it through in this world.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Beautiful Inner Peace Trying
I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Comment Energy Want
Come on, if you don’t win tonight it doesn’t mean you’re not a good person, it just means you’re not a good actor.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Mean Person
Penguins mate for life. Which doesn’t really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It’s not like they’re gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Looks Penguins Surprise
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bigs Differences Positive Stay
We’re told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Gay Humor Otherwise Really
I’m sure there’s somebody out there who doesn’t like Betty White because she’s short and has white hair.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Hair Somebody White
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dog Funny Humor
There is something about TM. It is the only time I have that stillness… It gives me this peaceful feeling-I just love it so much.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feelings Giving Peaceful
I’m so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
ELLEN DEGENERES

Fitness Gym Health
I believe one day a ‘ban on gay marriage’ will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Gay Out Speaks
You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, ‘Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it’s so repetitious.’
ELLEN DEGENERES

Breathing Funny Relationship Nerves

I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

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I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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