I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
ELLEN DEGENERESI’m so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
More Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
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I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion.
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I believe one day a ‘ban on gay marriage’ will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us.
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If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
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I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.
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I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle
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You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.
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I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.
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If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don’t memorize numbers anymore.
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Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don’t think we hurt anyone else’s marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they’re fine
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Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical.
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Emote. It’s okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.
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Most people don’t get to laugh, be free, dance, be surrounded by this energy. It’s important to remind people to take that home. I want the world to start shifting [to] a more positive energy.
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There is something about TM. It is the only time I have that stillness… It gives me this peaceful feeling-I just love it so much.
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The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.
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I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn’t ringing. There wasn’t one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn’t work in Hollywood again.
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Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.
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If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.
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Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
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I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
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I think gender plays a part in most things, but I don’t know how it would be different because I’ve never been a man. And my fame is different from Nicole Kidman’s or Sharon Stone’s. I think everybody’s fame is different.
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I’m sure there’s somebody out there who doesn’t like Betty White because she’s short and has white hair.
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My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They’re people who are actually interesting and they’re doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.
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…we should be grateful for them because without our family-the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day-life is pretty boring.
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Above all, I strive to be the best I can – to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.
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I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.
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I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That’s really why I do what I do.
ELLEN DEGENERES