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I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.

Ellen DeGeneres

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Brain Funny Hands Humor
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Car Room Rooms Tiny
It’s funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cucumbers Juice Source Water
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Ideas
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bigs Differences Positive Stay
I care passionately about equal rights [and] animal rights.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Animal Care Rights
What’s New Orleans without music? And what’s music without dancing?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dancing Music New Orleans Without
I would love for the world to be happier.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happier Love World
I have an amazing team, I have amazing producers, I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it’s me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Decision Editing Team Writing
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I’ve been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I’m happy I could give him work.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Giving Humor
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn’t ringing. There wasn’t one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn’t work in Hollywood again.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Jobs Phones Years
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Asparagus Funny Humor
We’re just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Finding Happiness Mind Trying
Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It’s not a number at all.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Beauty Between Numbers Size
I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Baby Funny Humor
I believe one day a ‘ban on gay marriage’ will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Gay Out Speaks

I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.

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I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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