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By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

Dick Cavett

To call New York’s traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.
DICK CAVETT

Holiday Night Time Traffic
I’m not sure why writing for others became harder. Probably a reluctance to give away anything you might conceivably use yourself caused a block. I did it, but it remained hard when it had once been easy.
DICK CAVETT

Block Easy Hard Myself Reason Writing
If I were running a campaign, I’d urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely – on a talented young comedy writer.
DICK CAVETT

Campaign Comedy Myself Pizza Run Talent Wisdom Young
I like when the ice gets thin, the going gets rough, the guests get edgy.
DICK CAVETT

Edge Guest Ice Myself
Chris Matthews can’t start any sentence without ‘Let me ask you this… ‘ And I love Chris Matthews! But almost everybody in journalism does it. Who’s stopping you? Just say it!
DICK CAVETT

Journalism Myself Sentence Start
I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-’60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn’t the night before.
DICK CAVETT

Advantage Laughter Myself Night Stand Work
Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?
DICK CAVETT

Age Photograph Yourself
Every time someone says, ‘You know, we really ought to get together,’ if I were really honest, I would ask ‘Why?’
DICK CAVETT

Honesty Myself Time Togetherness
Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.
DICK CAVETT

Best Column Consider Home Myself Suspect
The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.
DICK CAVETT

Force Police Sex
The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I’m not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.
DICK CAVETT

Brain Joke Mystery Process Result Study Subject
I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.
DICK CAVETT

Call Exception Interest Laughter Myself Religion
Greatly talented performers don’t know – often spectacularly – what’s best for them, don’t know what their talents really are, and don’t know what’s just plain wrong for them.
DICK CAVETT

Best Dumb Great Talent Unknown Wrong
I think we live in an age of increasing mediocrity.
DICK CAVETT

Age Average Live Thinking
Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.
DICK CAVETT

Language Leadership Thinking
I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.
DICK CAVETT

Chocolate Hands Ideas Myself Practice Shock Worst

By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

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By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

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