“I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure – that is all that agnosticism means.”

Great wealth often curses all who touch it.

One cannot live through a long stretch of years without forming some philosophy of life.

The purpose of man is like the purpose of a pollywog – to wiggle along as far as he can without dying; or, to hang to life until death takes him.

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.

Some of you say religion makes people happy. So does laughing gas.

It is bigotry for public schools to teach only one theory of origins.

There are a lot of myths which make the human race cruel and barbarous and unkind. Good and Evil, Sin and Crime, Free Will and the like delusions made to excuse God for damning men and to excuse men for crucifying each other.

The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover; it is kept alive by hope and fear, by childish faith, and by cowardice.

Any one who thinks is an agnostic about something, otherwise he must believe that he is possessed of all knowledge. And the proper place for such a person is in the madhouse or the home for the feeble-minded.

The only real lawyers are trial lawyers, and trial lawyers try cases to juries.

Never forget, almost every case has been won or lost when the jury is sworn.

The truth is that brains have little to do with either the making or accumulating of money.

The difference between the child and the man lies chiefly in the unlimited confidence and buoyancy of youth.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.

Chase after the truth like all hell.

Anyone can spot a lie, unless he is in need of that lie.

She’s got a smile that heals me.

Most people are such fools that it is really no great compliment to say that someone is above the average.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.

Set screamed something in Ancient Egyptian. I was fairly sure it wasn’t a compliment. “I will rend your limbs from their sockets!” he shouted. “I will—” “Die?” Carter suggested.

You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.

There is no greater compliment to the Jews than the fact that the degree of their unpopularity is always the scientific measure of the cruelty and silliness of the regime under which they live.

Next to a sincere compliment, I think I like a well-deserved and honest rebuke.