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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

Brad Williams

There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Country People Problem
I’m funny because I’m funny. And there’s more to offer.
BRAD WILLIAMS

More Offers Funny
I admire ventriloquists, because I can’t do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can’t do what they do.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Mean might Now Then
I hate that when people are like, “Well, all dwarves know each other, right?” And you want to get mad, but you can’t because we do.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Dwarves Hate People
There is often times when I’m in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something like that which – don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, but it’s just interesting. It’s just interesting that that occurs.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Bar Complaining Interesting
If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Average League Thinking
Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they’ve seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Mean People Realized Seen
I found out if you’re a funny guy, a lot of people like you.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Guy Like People
I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That’s the constant. That’s the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Constant Love Show Television
It’s weird when people ask me, “Why are you so nice?” It’s like, “Because that’s just what you should do. You should be kind to people.” It seems really basic, but it’s amazing how many people forget that.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Be Kind Nice People
I’m in awe of comedians that do things that I can’t do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be – hell, Carrot Top. I can’t be Carrot Top. I can’t.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Comedian Issues
I try not to be hateful.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Country Hateful People Trying
People ask me a lot like, “Hey, so when are you done with your tour?” Like when I die. That’s when I’m done with my tour.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Done Hey People
Every now and then we’re going to fail.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Every Failing Now Then
If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, “That joke offended me,” I’m still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Asian Black People
If I do talk politics it’s very surface, it’s not in-depth.
BRAD WILLIAMS

Depth Politics Surface

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you’d be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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