“I don’t believe that economic equality is possible; indeed some measure of inequality is essential for the spirit of envy and keeping up with the Joneses that is, like greed, a valuable spur to economic activity.”

Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

I’m no communist.I’m a tax cutting Conservative. But I want a capitalism that is fairer to forgotten people.

It hasn’t taken them long, they began by telling us they would have a positive and patriotic case and they’re back to project fear within minutes. There they go again they have nothing positive to say.

The difference between Hitler’s speeches and Churchill’s speeches was that Hitler made you think he could do anything; Churchill made you think you could do anything.

You are part of our Great British family.

I have come to the conclusion that Tony Blair has finally gone mad … he made assertions that are so jaw-droppingly and breathtakingly at variance with reality that he surely needs professional psychiatric help.

My ideal world is, we’re there, we’re in the EU, trying to make it better.

The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP, they have run out of better ideas.

I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn’t go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar.

It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.

Humanity would have plunged into a new dark age of absolutely frightening and appalling characteristics without Churchill.

I dont see why people are so snooty about Channel Five. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap-dancing, and other related and vital subjects

London is the sporting capital of the world. I say to the Chinese and I say to the world, ping pong is coming home.

I love tennis with a passion. I challenged Boris Becker to a match once and he said he was up for it but he never called back. I bet I could make him run around.

There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.

It just happens I write fast and always have done.