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Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

Boris Johnson

I have come to the conclusion that Tony Blair has finally gone mad … he made assertions that are so jaw-droppingly and breathtakingly at variance with reality that he surely needs professional psychiatric help.
BORIS JOHNSON

Mad Needs Reality
There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.
BORIS JOHNSON

Cheese Middle Night
Dark forces dragged me away from the keyboard, swirling forces of irresistible intensity and power.
BORIS JOHNSON

Darkness Force Intense Power
I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.
BORIS JOHNSON

Becoming Chance Redneck
I have not been more robust towards female rather than male assembly members and I do not believe I have been remotely sexist.
BORIS JOHNSON

Believe Female Males
It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.
BORIS JOHNSON

Appearance Believe Flip Human Wall
We should celebrate immigrants and everything they do for our country.
BORIS JOHNSON

Celebration Country Immigrant Ourselves
The difference between Hitler’s speeches and Churchill’s speeches was that Hitler made you think he could do anything; Churchill made you think you could do anything.
BORIS JOHNSON

Differences Speech Thinking
It was the kind of blind, gulping, insensate greed that you associate with some milk-eyed creature in a volcanic fissure at the bottom of the Marianas Trench-an organism with no understanding of the existence, let alone the feelings, of other members of the ecosystem.
BORIS JOHNSON

Ecosystems Greed Understanding
But if people want to swim in the Thames, if they want to take their lives into their own hands, then they should be able to do so with all the freedom and exhilaration of our woad-painted ancestors.
BORIS JOHNSON

Hands People Swim
I am supporting David Cameron purely out of cynical self-interest.
BORIS JOHNSON

Cynical Interest Self
I don’t believe that economic equality is possible; indeed some measure of inequality is essential for the spirit of envy and keeping up with the Joneses that is, like greed, a valuable spur to economic activity.
BORIS JOHNSON

Believe Economy Equality Essential Myself Possible Value
It is easy to make promises – it is hard work to keep them.
BORIS JOHNSON

Easy Hard Work Promise
David Lloyd George had been to Germany, and been so dazzled by the Führer that he compared him to George Washington. Hitler was a ‘born leader’, declared the befuddled former British Prime Minister.
BORIS JOHNSON

Country Hero War
London is a fantastic creator of jobs – but many of these jobs are going to people who don’t originate in this country.
BORIS JOHNSON

Creator Job Originate People
It just happens I write fast and always have done.
BORIS JOHNSON

Done Happens Writing

Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

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Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

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