“I saw their folks more that day than they did the whole weekend.”

I just grew the hair on my back. Facial hair just wasn’t appealing to me. I liked it on my back, though.

I think my top salary was maybe in 1966. I made $17,000 and 11 of that came from selling other players’ equipment.

I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it’s never at the expense of the other guy.

Let’s face it. Umpiring is not an easy or happy way to make a living. In the abuse they suffer, and the pay they get for it, you see an imbalance that can only be explained by their need to stay close to a game they can’t resist.

I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.

Not bragging by any means, but I could have done a lot of other stuff as far as working in films go and working in television…

I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.

On TV the people can see it. On radio you’ve got to create it.

Career highlights? I had two – I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.

Any teammate of mine that had a kid and a boy that was capable of playing baseball.

I did stand-up, weird and ignorant stuff about my career – anything for a laugh.

Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat.

How do you catch a knuckleball? You wait until it stops rolling, then go pick it up.

We were on for six years. We were in syndication for a while. It had its run. I still see the people from ‘Mr. Belvedere,’ too. We stay in touch.

When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me.

If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to?

You need a long hard day’s work to reveal the logic of the craving for very bad tv and alcohol.

Whether we like it or not, we are all on a journey, a Quest if you will, every day of our lives, and the path we must take is full of perils, and our destiny can never be predicted in advance.

A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.

Why is Earth Day, today, also Lenin’s birthday? Coincidence?

I’m always amazed that my wife can handle different subjects – one day politics, the next day foreign policy.

I must say, I never expected to see the day where I would be talking about anything other than reducing the debt, I’m running into the tyranny of zero, which is where you can’t reduce (the debt) any more

The bible is not a blueprint for every day of your life, it is an inspiration not a blueprint.

George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition.