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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

Bob Saget

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGET

Girl Met Reasonable Told
Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
BOB SAGET

Kindness Necessity Virtue
A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
BOB SAGET

Comedian Jokes Three
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.
BOB SAGET

Kids Responsibility Wine
Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
BOB SAGET

Bored People Talking
Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
BOB SAGET

Fake Politics Sincerity
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGET

Boys Car Country Years
Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.
BOB SAGET

Body Four People
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET

Change Something Things Wake
It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People
Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
BOB SAGET

Alcoholics Horrible Used
Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
BOB SAGET

Fishes Nothing Pieces
What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Levels People
A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
BOB SAGET

House Lasts People

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

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