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Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

Bob Monkhouse

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Homeless Humor
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Home Humor
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Marriage Investment Pay
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Laughter Missing Nice
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

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Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

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