I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
BO BURNHAMIs there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
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I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
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I think it’s using people, I think it’s like encouraging something that’s unhealthy, telling people you love them. “I love you.” Oh really, you love your fans?
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Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
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When life gets you down, make a comforter!
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Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
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Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.
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If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM







