“We are all born with a grab bag of gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money.”

I shouldn’t have called out Will Ferrell, but I am getting a little fed up with these people.You want to support Bernie Sanders, knock yourself out. Does he know what Bernie stands for? Does he know what Bernie wants? And I submit to you, he doesn’t.

Women have a right, I believe, to do whatever they want as long as they don’t break the law.

This is their real life – texting about trivial things; listening to numbing music on their private headphones. The machines block everything out – you create your own little trivial world.

The truth is the committed left press in America is not longer interest in reporting the news.

I don’t know of any government leaders that are killers.

The government cannot overcome bad parenting. What our leaders can do is publicly condemn irresponsible parental behavior in vivid terms.

Safety nets for the poor and disadvantaged are a must for any compassionate nation, but encouraging folks to go on the dole when not absolutely necessary is disgraceful.

Drive through a yellow light, and you may be ticketed thanks to a camera tied onto a pole. Everybody’s watching everything. And then sending it out to the world via email.

I don’t care about the Constitution! The Constitution isn’t here; you’re here. Don’t be a pinhead.

Yet, many of us in America stay far, far away from this topic. That in itself is a national scandal. Bad parenting is gravely harming this nation.

Each segment has to pay off, so you have to look at it in a very, very micro-level and make each chapter in the book, each segment on a TV show, entertaining and informative, and if you do that then a cumulative affect will be success.

Sociologists well understand that chaos at home causes violent behavior, educational failure and social alienation among children.

Whenever I go on a show with a comedian I just counter punch.

I think the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals abused its power all day long.

I would decriminalize marijuana, but you step out of your house high and you bother somebody else in any way, shape or form, I’m going to slap a fine on you that’s going to curl your hair!

I used to be a wicked disco guy.

With BitTorrent, the cat’s out of the bag.

I’ve never known a lot of rich people. It’s not my bag.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.

Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he’d get back to me next year.

I’m a dirt bag rock and roller. I want to represent that before anything else

My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character – I am that character… It’s a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I’ve put them all to work onstage.

I don’t want to play out of another man’s bag.

I’d get a shell, they weighed about 80 pounds I think, but when I was 19 or 20 that was nothing. I’d take a shell and a bag of powder, I’d put it in the hoist and then I would send it up to the gun.