“Whenever I go on a show with a comedian I just counter punch.”

Labels cloud our vision and distract us from seeing how much we have in common with one another.

At times you have to fight. No way around it. At some point, every one of us is confronted with danger or injustice.

I’m a sensationalist. I’m a big mouth. I get attention. In this world you have to – if you want a mass-market presentation, you have to get attention.

There comes a time when a human being has to either face evil or admit to allowing it. Abortion is legal in the United States, but it should not be celebrated or used as a political tool. Viable babies are human beings.

What really matters in a workplace, what helps an employer if you’ve got a unionised workforce is if your shop stewards know the rules of the game, if your safety reps are taught to be able to examine situations to make sure the workplace is more safety.

My job is to watch the powerful. It’s a simple job description, watch powerful people and make sure they don’t hurt the folks.

I know the constitution in Oregon was passed in 1859. Free expression of opinion.

There is a point where political correctness becomes an acid that erodes freedom.

I’m not going to change. Why would I change? I don’t tweet like Donald Trump. I’m not on Facebook. I should amend that. I don’t attack people using tweets, and I don’t do the Facebook and I’m not going to – that’s not my job.

I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.

There are people who don’t like women holding power.

I believe that inside many Americans lies certain uneasiness about capital punishment.

Do the atheists in Wisconsin realize they’re going to Hell? Did you ask them that?

Change is never a loss – it is change only.

To sum up, the position we took was that since we didn’t know the internal situation in Iraq nor Saddam Hussein, that our best bet was to take counsel from the people who did know him and who did deal with him.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.

Performers like Tommy Cooper

If you like standup and decide that it’s overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

I’m a comedian, not a politician.

I think politicians and comedians have a lot in common. One is a group of approval-seeking narcissists who will say and do anything to be liked… and comedians are always talking about politics.

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.