“Harold Ramis and I together did the ‘National Lampoon Show’ off Broadway, ‘Meatballs,’ ‘Stripes,’ ‘Caddyshack,’ ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Groundhog Day.’ He earned his keep on this planet. God bless him.”

We still have to put some cherry syrup on it, and then we can eat it

And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

You have to hope that [good things] happen to you. […] That’s the only thing we really, surely have, is hope. You hope that you can be alive, that things will happen to you that you’ll actually witness, that you’ll participate in.

The critics. When they’re right, they’re right for the wrong reasons. And they’re usually wrong.

I go home and stay there. I wash and scrub up each day, and that’s it. One month I actually grew a moustache, just so I could say that I’d done something.

I’d like [Santa Claus] to give Wes Anderson, the director, enough money in his next budget for an aerial shot – just a little copter shot. He really wanted this one helicopter shot, and Disney wouldn’t give him the money. Just wouldn’t give him the money.

Chicago actors are hard-nosed. They’re tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They’re self-demanding.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

If we don’t get this done, we’re never going to be friends, because if we don’t get the job done, then the one thing we did together that we had to do together we failed.”

I didn’t get into this position by being like a stiff sitting on the set in a folding chair. I did it by walking around on the streets and stirring things up.

The last thing I want is to be (in a film role) is obvious, direct and offensive.

I would jump into the middle of the street and say, “excuse me, there’s a Mercedes that’s got to get through here.” And I would push people out of the way, “get out of the way! Let him through!” Smacking their cars and stuff. Just like, “whack” and you just jump into it.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

The human condition means that we can zone out and forget what the hell we’re doing.

I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.

Anyone who’s had a shower and hasn’t ingested illegal narcotics within a couple of days stands out on a bench in the courthouse.

Don’t I yearn for the days when a draw across the throat made f**king resolution.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people’s heads.”

So that was a joke that I continue up to this very day.

We start to realize that there are anodynes in life that help us through the day.

I would come home and she would tell me about her life that day and all her problems and I remember saying to her, look, you really got me through this picture because I would shed everything when I came home.

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor’s suit, because I’d be riding the streetcar to school everyday.

We measure our days out in steps of uncertainty not turning to see how far we’ve come.