Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
BILL HICKSChildbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
BILL HICKSWhy do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
BILL HICKSHow would you like to get inside that guy’s mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn’t he?
BILL HICKSI smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKSThey proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKSChildren are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
BILL HICKSSupreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that’s their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm… Sounds like… every commercial on television, doesn’t it?
BILL HICKSI believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you’re all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)
BILL HICKSI believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
BILL HICKSYou know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”
BILL HICKSAnd on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, “This is my creation, perfect in every way… oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they’ll think I want them to smoke it… Now I have to create Republicans.”
BILL HICKSWhat did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn’t it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It’s gonna be worth it!.
BILL HICKSIt’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
BILL HICKSEver notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
BILL HICKSI’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
BILL HICKSWomen priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
BILL HICKS