“I have nothing, I have no props.’ And that was Andy Samberg. And Andy Samberg said he was looking at me going, ‘Oh, that guy has no props. He doesn’t need props.’ And that was the first time we met, was in that elevator.”

The best thing to do is to get out in front of an audience as much as you can, and learn from the experience.

Richard Grieco once asked for a bunch of M&M’s

Comedy is this weird thing. You have no idea why certain things work and other things don’t work.

I move out here, and next thing I know I’m 25, and the only thing I’ve heard is, ‘Can you get a coffee, can you hurry up with the thing, blah blah blah.’

My kids, they’re always embarrassed when my voice shows up in something.

The idea of a Chicago band that wanted to sing songs about California is really funny. Having never been to California.

I always felt better co-writing something – always co-writing. Because if I was the lead of it and it failed, then it failed on my own accord. I would say, “Well, I liked it or I screwed up. I take the hit on this one.”

It was nice doing something and hearing someone go, ‘Hey, you’re good at this.’

Growing up in Oklahoma, there wasn’t much to do. Play sports, do a lot of drugs, or read and watch movies, which is what I did.

My dad’s from there, and I have relatives there, but I don’t think I’ve been to Chicago since I was like 9.

I’m not a fan of the Eagles, but I’ve watched their documentary numerous times and everyone who’s watched it with me has sung along to the songs, much to my dismay.

If a guy doesn’t like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

I really enjoyed playing Vinny Vedecci, the Italian talk show host. He was the first character I ever came up with where I gave him a name and a way of dressing.

I was into writing and directing. I was a bit of a reluctant actor. I would always ask friends to shoot or direct their movies, but then they’d want me to be in them.

All the stories have to do with emotion. Emotion is driving everything.

It’s not like you get up on stage and you’re immediately a genius. It takes a long time. So, don’t be discouraged.

What concerns this dress is a small thing – less than nothing. I did not take it by the advice of any man in the world.

And I say that to send a message to all the young thugs out there; that it’s nothing to be ashamed of to say you love your mother.

The biggest obstacle was mixing abortion with overpopulation. These are two things that have nothing to do with each other.

Enjoy doing nothing, and you can enjoy doing anything. Enjoy having nothing, and you can enjoy whatever you have.

Of the love or hatred God has for the English, I know nothing, but I do know that they will all be thrown out of France, except those who die there.

The principle that human nature, in its psychological aspects, is nothing more than a product of history and given social relations removes all barriers to coercion and manipulation by the powerful.

When was the last time you spent a quiet moment just doing nothing – just sitting and looking at the sea, or watching the wind blowing the tree limbs, or waves rippling on a pond, a flickering candle or children playing in the park?

Nothing more strongly arouses our disgust than cannibalism.