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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

I’ve about decided if it wasn’t for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you’re just hangin’ out with your buddies.

Bill Engvall

Related Topics

GayHellSex

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  You can’t even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.

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• 

  The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn’t resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here’s your sign.

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• 

  I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane.

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• 

  I believe pain is nature’s way of saying, ‘You’re still alive, and life sucks.’

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• 

  I go “I just want a cup of black coffee.” She goes “Do you want to try a biscotti? They’re from Italy and they’re considered a delicacy.” Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I’m from, that’s considered a mistake.

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• 

  I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don’t want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won’t get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin’ up as it does goin’ down.

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• 

  A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.

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• 

  Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome.

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• 

  I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.

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• 

  So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I’d feel if someone interrupted me.

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• 

  The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.

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• 

  You can’t climb a tile wall.

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• 

  My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.

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• 

  Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, “Hey… We don’t hit”. He looked at me like, “Here’s your sign, Dad”.

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• 

  I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there’s a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood.

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• 

  I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house.

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