I’ve about decided if it wasn’t for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you’re just hangin’ out with your buddies.
BILL ENGVALLI’ve about decided if it wasn’t for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you’re just hangin’ out with your buddies.
More Bill Engvall Quotes
-
-
I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked.
BILL ENGVALL -
I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
BILL ENGVALL -
The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
BILL ENGVALL -
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
BILL ENGVALL -
Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.
BILL ENGVALL -
I believe that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. It’s a little further south.
BILL ENGVALL -
I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.
BILL ENGVALL -
I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass?
BILL ENGVALL -
I think my wife puts up with me ’cause I try. I think that’s all any guy can do is just try. That’s right! ‘Cause we ain’t never gunna get it. ‘Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It’s like this memo goes out, ‘they’re getting close, change it, change it!’
BILL ENGVALL -
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It’s a honey die list.
BILL ENGVALL -
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
BILL ENGVALL -
The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
BILL ENGVALL -
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people’s heads.
BILL ENGVALL -
I believe pain is nature’s way of saying, ‘You’re still alive, and life sucks.’
BILL ENGVALL -
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I’d feel if someone interrupted me.
BILL ENGVALL