I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALLI hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALLSo I sat there for a second, and then I said “did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?” He left.
BILL ENGVALLA condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
BILL ENGVALLNo parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
BILL ENGVALLNumber one: ‘You’re only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.’ Number two: ‘We have medication for this.’ And number three: ‘It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.’
BILL ENGVALLI was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco… I’ll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALLMy wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties…welcome to my world.
BILL ENGVALLYou can’t even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.
BILL ENGVALLYou can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
BILL ENGVALLI was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
BILL ENGVALLA truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead.
BILL ENGVALLI was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
BILL ENGVALLThe older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
BILL ENGVALLTo all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
BILL ENGVALLCan someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.
BILL ENGVALLYou can’t climb a tile wall.
BILL ENGVALL