Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
BILL BURRIf you’re on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don’t get any Tweets you know it’s bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it’s doing by comparing the reception to shows I’ve done that have actual ratings.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
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If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that’s good for me; I’m good.
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My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
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Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He’s the coolest. I’ve never met The Rock though.
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Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
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I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
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I’m one of those guys where you know, I’m 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities.
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I am so pro-swine flu it’s – it’s like ridiculous.
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me.
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I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned how to combat depression. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it’s a choice. Y
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, ‘You know what? We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.
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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURR