Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURRI don’t think people know what hygienist means.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don’t like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it’s good.
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When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It’s always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
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For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
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My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.
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I’ve had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
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Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
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I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I’m thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I’ve seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor and Billy Crystal.
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Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
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Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
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I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
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My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I dont like it is when Im off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.
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I don’t mind it. I just space it out. Every other week I go out. I used to get some time to myself but I’ve been pretty busy lately. But I’ve had it the other way, where I’m staring at the phone waiting for it to ring, so this is definitely better.
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I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.
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I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
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Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.
BILL BURR