I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURRI cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
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Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
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You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
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I’ve had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
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My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.
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If you’re on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don’t get any Tweets you know it’s bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it’s doing by comparing the reception to shows I’ve done that have actual ratings.
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Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
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I’m an idiot, basically. I don’t think that I’m a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about.
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I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
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Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
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As a big music fan, England is an amazing place to go.
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I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
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You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
BILL BURR