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Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.

Bill Burr

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
BILL BURR

Crowds Happened Tuesday
I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
BILL BURR

Crowds Fun Talking
I’m trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.
BILL BURR

Apartment Paid Something Taxes Trying
I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!
BILL BURR

Complaining Guy Pay
I’ve had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
BILL BURR

Great Gun Shooting Time
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
BILL BURR

Elbows Elderly Today
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
BILL BURR

Answers Emotion Like You
What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
BILL BURR

Experience Heart Liberal Show Worried
I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don’t like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it’s good.
BILL BURR

Jobs Monday People
Well probably the coolest show of that whole tour was in Germany. I had a chunk of material on [Adolf] Hitler, and I was worried about how they’d react, but they loved it.
BILL BURR

Coolest Country Shows Worried
You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, ‘You know what? We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.
BILL BURR

Office Smart Thinking
It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
BILL BURR

Golf Thinking Yelling
Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
BILL BURR

People Shows Stones Television
I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
BILL BURR

Everything Flunked High Minutes School Taught
You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR

Interviews Television Shows

Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.

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Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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