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Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

Bill Burr

You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR

Interviews Television Shows
There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
BILL BURR

Brother Funny
I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories.
BILL BURR

Filling Kids Thinking
Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
BILL BURR

Government Mcdonalds Sandwiches
[I’m] more German than Irish.
BILL BURR

Country Irish More
There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
BILL BURR

Giving Head Reason
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
BILL BURR

Easy Saint Wife
I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
BILL BURR

Dad Jealous Mom Women
My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy.
BILL BURR

Dad Ethic Thinking Work
When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
BILL BURR

Cutting People Two Woman
When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It’s always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
BILL BURR

Coming Out Quality Stuff
Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.
BILL BURR

About Around Garden Necks Tandem
I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
BILL BURR

Everything Flunked High Minutes School Taught
It’s better to just plough ahead. And if I say something they don’t get, I just make fun of myself for assuming that everybody knows everything about where I live.
BILL BURR

Assuming Fun Knows
Michael Price is the showrunner so nobody works harder than him.
BILL BURR

Hard Nobody Work Harder

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

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Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

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Popular Authors

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