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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

Bill Burr

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.
BILL BURR

Growing Up Mind Territory
I don’t think people know what hygienist means.
BILL BURR

Mean People Thinking
If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.
BILL BURR

Labor Quitting Sweatshops
I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
BILL BURR

Miserable Misery Thinking
I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
BILL BURR

Dad Jealous Mom Women
I’m trying to pay off my apartment so I have something tangible. I actually figured out if I paid off my place my reward would be that I would pay an extra four grand a year in taxes.
BILL BURR

Apartment Paid Something Taxes Trying
Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
BILL BURR

Gun Pet Pitbull
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
BILL BURR

Guy Office Running
You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR

Interviews Television Shows
I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
BILL BURR

Clubs Gigs People
It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.
BILL BURR

People Stupid Talking
ou’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game…
BILL BURR

Brain Control Decide Game Road Sending
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
BILL BURR

Again Funny Opinion Talking Yelling
Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
BILL BURR

People Week Yelling
There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
BILL BURR

Giving Head Reason
Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
BILL BURR

People Shows Stones Television

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

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Popular Authors

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