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If you’re frightened, you’re out of luck.

Bette Midler

If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.
BETTE MIDLER

Happy Picks Ukulele
If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.
BETTE MIDLER

Dresses Sound Way
My parents have not insisted that we go to college, but she wanted us to learn. Teacher, librarian, secretary, nurse. All my siblings were employed. But I wanted to be the boss, an independent contractor.
BETTE MIDLER

Independent Sibling Teacher
People are not the best because they work hard. They work hard because they are the best.
BETTE MIDLER

Best Hard People Work
If you’re passionate about something, then you should pick up your flag and run with it.
BETTE MIDLER

Flag Passionate Running
You can’t just have a clean public space – you also have to have people willing to use it, and something that will draw them in.
BETTE MIDLER

People Space Use
Do I understand this right? I’m being marked down?
BETTE MIDLER

Down Market Money
The outside world doesn’t have a lot to offer. You have to make your own heaven in your own home.
BETTE MIDLER

Heaven Home World
I tried to charm the pants off Bob Dylan, but everyone will be disappointed to learn that I was unsuccessful. I got close – a couple of fast feels in the front seat of a Cadillac.
BETTE MIDLER

Cadillacs Couple Sex
Thank God for the gays. I don’t know what would have happened but I know what did happen. Good for them and good for me.
BETTE MIDLER

Gay God Happened Thank
Previously, the jokes were more related to current issues, political. Today people make about each other either funny or about people like Kim Kardashian. It’s brutal. Everything is so much vielschmutziger.
BETTE MIDLER

Brutal People Previously Today
[On Denmark:] … that little country of cottage cheese and courage.
BETTE MIDLER

Cheese Cottages Country
The [film] industry is an ecosystem that’s sick.
BETTE MIDLER

Ecosystems Movie Sick
I’m so glad to be back in New York. Los Angeles can be so cold, so cruel after you’ve been-what’s the word?-oh yes: ‘fired.’
BETTE MIDLER

Back Cold Country Cruel Glad
hen you’re in your third adulthood, the one that leads to the grave, and you ask yourself, “What will I do between now and then?” Instead of thinking in terms of glamour, you start thinking in terms of reform – your contribution to the world.
BETTE MIDLER

Ask Glamorous Grave Think Yourself
The inventor of the modern foundation garment that we women wear today was a German scientist and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling.
BETTE MIDLER

Foundation Names Opera

If you’re frightened, you’re out of luck.

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If you’re frightened, you’re out of luck.

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