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A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

Bette Midler

Only two groups of people intimidate me absolutely: salespeople and the French.
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Groups People Two
The inventor of the modern foundation garment that we women wear today was a German scientist and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling.
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Foundation Names Opera
I have my standards. They’re low, but I have them.
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Low Lows Standards
Rap is poetry set to music. But to me it’s like a jackhammer.
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Jakhammer Poetry Rap
I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!
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House News Stories Watches
If they [at the audition] don’t like the way you sound they won’t buy you anyway, ripped dress or no ripped dress, ass hanging out or no ass hanging out.
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Dresses Sound Way
All these rumors about [Tom Cruise] being gay. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it for one minute. He hasn’t been to one of my shows.
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Believe Gay Rumor
It’s the one who won’t be taken that cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
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Dance Fear Philosophy
If you’re passionate about something, then you should pick up your flag and run with it.
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Flag Passionate Running
You have to think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to know that you’re not.
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Bread Sliced Thinking
Most people don’t deserve to be spoken of in the same breath as Chaplin or Lucille Ball.
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Balls People
[On Princess Anne:] Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.
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Princess Royalty Spite
When it’s time to shuffle off this mortal coil, you leave your ashes to be composted.
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Ashes Mortals Shuffle
In a marriage, you struggle and struggle and struggle, and then you realize that you have to ride the horse in the direction it’s going. You stop trying to pull the reins in another direction.
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Horse Struggle Trying
I’m confident that I’m as intelligent as many people, but I know that I’m not as intelligent as some. So in the presence of hyperintelligent people, I’m a shrinking violet because I don’t want to look like a fool. I know a little about a lot and a lot about a little.
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Intelligent People Shrinking
When the movies first started, audiences were dumbstruck to see actresses walking around in evening gowns. They’d never seen anything like that. They wanted to be like those actors and actresses, so the movies informed their behavior.
BETTE MIDLER

Drinking People Smoking

A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

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A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I’ve chosen not to be.

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Popular Authors

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