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You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late. You fryin’ toast? At nine o’clock at night? With bacon? You’re broke.

Bernie Mac

Stand-up is what I am; stand-up is what made me.
BERNIE MAC

Made Stand
You can’t change what happened. Just like you can’t change the future by worrying about it. You just have to keep moving.
BERNIE MAC

Like Moving Worry You
I have Glocks, .45s, Berettas, Remingtons. I like the marksmanship and the discipline that it takes to be a gun owner. I like the machinery. Being able to take it out and clean it is even more fascinating than having the gun.
BERNIE MAC

Able Discipline Gun Machine Onwer
When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars – that’s heaven here on earth.
BERNIE MAC

Beer Boat Golf Ice Lobster
My daughter was a beautiful child.
BERNIE MAC

Beautiful Children Daughter
I love who I am. I love what I’ve become.
BERNIE MAC

Become Create Love
Hugs aren’t like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.
BERNIE MAC

Hug Pie Pieces Plenty
You have to meet all of the challenges, big and small. Because how you start is how you finish.
BERNIE MAC

Big Challenges Motivational
My girlfriend Rhonda, who’s now my wife, I graduated from high school, she got pregnant. My grandfather said, ‘You’ve got to do the right thing.’
BERNIE MAC

Girlfriend Right School Things Wife
Why do people love Richard Pryor so much? ‘Cause he had problems.
BERNIE MAC

Causes People Problem
People like rumors. They’re going to say things like, ‘You was at the club with Lil’ Kim, and you and Kanye West got into a fist fight.’ You can’t get upset. You’ve got to keep hope alive.
BERNIE MAC

Alive Fighting People Upset
Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.
BERNIE MAC

Barbers Hear Shop Stay
I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown.
BERNIE MAC

Clown Comedian Funny
I always wanted to scuba dive. I used to scuba dive undercover like black Aquaman.
BERNIE MAC

Black Country Scuba Used
I love my daughter, but there’s a certain feeling, a certain emotion when you got a granddaughter, you know?
BERNIE MAC

Daughter Emotion Feelings
I’m very much disciplined because I’m more mature. When I was young I just wanted to live, I could jump, I could run, I was quick and I was relentless.
BERNIE MAC

Mature Relentless Running
I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy.
BERNIE MAC

Joy Lot Place
It took me a long time to get to where I’m at, in my career and as a man. I was going through my trials and tribulations in life, and it gave me the strength to tackle things that have come my way.
BERNIE MAC

Careers Long Men Trial Tribulation
I wasn’t disciplined at all. As good of an athlete as I was, I was not disciplined. Had I had the drive that I have in comedy, and acting, and writing, that’s why I knew it just wasn’t right for me.
BERNIE MAC

Acting Athlete Comedy Writing
I want to do something that people can really say, ‘Hey, man, that was good, I’m proud of you, I’m proud of that.’ ‘Pride’ and ‘Transformers’ and things like that.
BERNIE MAC

Good Men People Pride Something
When I go onstage, I want to relieve your mind, your pressures.
BERNIE MAC

Mind Onstage Pressure Want
The one thing about comedy, making it become a part of you, the audience loves it, because you become part of them.
BERNIE MAC

Audience Comedy Thing
I’m an entertainer and I really enjoy entertaining. I think if you’re going to really be what you say you are, you have to really live it, work it, practice it, and think it.
BERNIE MAC

Enjoy Entertaining Practice Thinking
Black audiences are hard. They always think they’re better than you. So you got to come with a little extra to satisfy them.
BERNIE MAC

Black Littles Satisfy Thinking
They say if you don’t have your health you ain’t got nothing, but the truth is you ain’t got nothing if you don’t have no one to worry about your health.
BERNIE MAC

Health Nothing Truth Worry
Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.
BERNIE MAC

Expecting Something Upset Way
America…Do not touch my TV, my DVD, my stereo, my dual-deck VCR. Do not touch my old school, my new school, my slow jams, my party jams, my happy rap, and you better not touch…My James Brown.
BERNIE MAC

Country Party Rap School Touch

You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late. You fryin’ toast? At nine o’clock at night? With bacon? You’re broke.

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You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late. You fryin’ toast? At nine o’clock at night? With bacon? You’re broke.

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Popular Authors

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