“A job is not a career. I think I started out with a job. It turned into a career and changed my life.”

Large cocktail parties are an infamous technique for ridding yourself of social obligations to people you usually don’t know well or like much, which is such an unpromising beginning that I’ve rarely known one that recovered and turned into a great party.

The way you dress is the billboard that tells perceptive people how you feel about yourself.

All of the religions – with the exception of Tibetan Buddhism, which doesn’t believe in a heaven – teach that heaven is a better place. At the end of the program, I say that heaven is a place where you are happy. All of the religions have that in common.

People sinking into self-pity and depression are dreary, but they can’t get out of it by themselves. So every now and then, just sit there and listen, and listen, and listen. You’re paying your membership dues in the human race.

I think most working relationships could benefit by excluding personal matters from the office chatter.

If it’s a woman, it’s caustic; if it’s a man, it’s authoritative.

The hardest thing you will ever do is trust yourself.

politics … is the hottest, most dangerous subject in the land. It’s not only a conversation-wrecker, it’s a friendship-wrecker, a family-wrecker, a job-wrecker, a future-wrecker.

I was the kind nobody thought could make it. I had a funny Boston accent. I couldn’t pronounce my R’s. I wasn’t a beauty.

A man cannot be comfortable [or cannot be made comfortable] without his own approval.

Being a parent is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy

[President Obama] made so many promises. We thought that he was going to be — I shouldn’t say this at Christmastime — but the next messiah.

The feeling is that Fidel Castro’s much bigger than he actually is.

I found it interesting that as people become more technically oriented all over the world, at the same time people are becoming increasingly spiritual. The success of the Da Vinci code – even though it was a great yawn – also showed people’s interest in religion.

Just do your job. Get in early. Stay late, and don’t complain. Fight the big fights.

Children are God’s way of punishing us for having sex.

The best verse hasn’t been rhymed yet, The best house hasn’t been planned, The highest peak hasn’t been climbed yet, The mightiest rivers aren’t spanned.

It is shameful that millions of Americans are suffering the economic injustice of working a full-time job and earning a wage that leaves them below the poverty line.

Adam [Sandler] is a good basketball player, so he is a natural athlete, he worked with Sean Salisbury to make his footwork and delivery smooth, and he did a great job.

As one woman told me, “When I decided to come in to work happy, everybody around me became happy.” This woman had decided to quit a job she hated, and on the last day of her two weeks’ notice, she woke up happy.

The job is the same – to attempt to make it sound like you’ve never said it before and as if it’s just occurred to you. And that’s the same whether you’re on camera or whether you’re on stage in a room full of people.

Your job as an actor is to stay employed.

In L.A., everyone is competing for the next job, and in New York, it’s pretty much the same thing: competing for a better job.

What is our job as entrepreneurs if not to change things that are crazy?