Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN CORENEnjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
More Alan Coren Quotes
-
-
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
ALAN COREN -
A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
ALAN COREN -
Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN COREN -
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
ALAN COREN -
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN COREN -
Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN COREN -
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN -
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
ALAN COREN -
The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
ALAN COREN -
Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
ALAN COREN -
But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN COREN -
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN COREN -
Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
ALAN COREN -
It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
ALAN COREN -
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN COREN