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Don’t bring your sand toys to the park. That’s another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I’m on the Vicodin and a little weed too – let’s face it – and I go in there, and my wife’s like.

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I’m always alone. Sad face emoticon.
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I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.
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Don’t bring your sand toys to the park. That’s another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I’m on the Vicodin and a little weed too – let’s face it – and I go in there, and my wife’s like.
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You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor’s suit, because I’d be riding the streetcar to school everyday.
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Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it’s also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there’s a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It’s like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.
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Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!’ And I know what happens every single time.
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Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.
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Go ahead, take out your dong.’ ‘I’m not taking out my dong. And by the way, who uses the word dong?
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My primary responsibility is to be funny.
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We’re down in Mexico. It’s for a bachelor party, so we go into a Mexican strip club.
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If you want to be hip to the lingo, they’re not using the word dong up in the States.
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Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.
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Minding my own business, humming out a ‘Frere Jacques’ – and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.
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