“Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.”

I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.

When you live in New York, one of two things happen – you either become a New Yorker, or you feel more like the place you came from.

We don’t know how many Russian oligarchs have invested in his business.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.

I also focus on Bush and his administration – who do a lot of lying – and how a right-wing media has allowed them to get away with a lot of stuff that, in a different media environment, they probably wouldn’t be able to get away with.

Which is why I think any loving, committed couple — gay or straight — should be able to get married.

I’m part of the mushball middle. I consider ‘confused’ the majority position because, thankfully.

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

I like the liberal tradition; I like the Hubert Humphrey tradition fighting for civil rights.

But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.

Rush Limbaugh is what I call a disinfotainer. He entertains by spreading disinformation.

I’ve been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you’re under pressure.

I’m sure I’ve devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.

Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.

The right wing has had a radio apparatus for years and years, so they’ve had minor leagues.

I don’t like what’s going on in Iraq, naturally. I’m part of a large majority of people who don’t, but I do not know the whole story.

Everything changes with age. The parts change with age, your feelings about them change, roles that I would’ve wanted to play 10 years ago, I don’t want to play now.

While the rest of the country waves the flag of Americana, we understand we are not part of that.

Responsibilities are relative. My responsibility is to a character in a script, to a part I’m playing.

The crash of 2008 was driven in no small part by unfair practices in the mortgage industry which led to many consumers being trapped in loans they didn’t understand and couldn’t afford.

I heard that music, and it was part of my upbringing.

Part of the true luxury of “earned laziness” are the braggin rights that come along with being purposefully and publicly lazy.

I just wanted to remind people that Ministry is actually a good rock band. We can do some party stuff, too.