For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
AL FRANKENMost people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time – even when they’re wrong.
More Al Franken Quotes
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You have to love your country like an adult loves somebody, not like a child loves its Mommy. And right-wing Republicans tend to love America like a child loves its Mommy, where everything Mommy does is okay.
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I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.
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Antitrust law isn’t about protecting competing businesses from each other, it’s about protecting competition itself on behalf of the public.
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I want a president who can handle a cream soda.
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But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.
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I couldn’t think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow’s leaders.
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If someone hacks your password, you can change it – as many times as you want.
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I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affordable Care Act cuts the deficit.
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Google’s screen for privacy settings does give you more options for what you share than Apple’s does. But it’s not a complete list, and people aren’t aware of whether or not that information will go to a third party.
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I’m a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I’ll never stop.
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They talked about unreasonable searches and seizures, about keeping the government out of their bedrooms.
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I’ve spent my entire career being a satirist.
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Minnesota has a proud tradition of having two Senators on the Ag committee – a tradition I’d like very much to continue.
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Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.
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Russia has a strategy of creating the conditions that give rise to corruption, then exploiting that corruption to its own benefit.
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