Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKENMost people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time – even when they’re wrong.
More Al Franken Quotes
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But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.
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Russia has cultivated an opaque network of patronage across the region that it uses to influence and direct decision- making.
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Sometimes if I tell people, ‘I’m afraid that I’m really a fraud,’ or ‘I have a lot of self-doubt,’ they go.
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If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
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Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American society. This is why the Constitution is often called a “living” document.
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The news movement conservatives that are just laying out, slathering out the disinformation and the lies, as I discuss in my book, ‘Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.’
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Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
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Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.
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I do have a self-censor; everybody does, or at least most who are not pathological do.
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Some of George W. Bush’s friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial.
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Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose.
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But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, ‘Hi’ to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation.
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One thing I’ve noticed about politics is that these guys have pretty thick hides.
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Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate.
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Most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time – even when they’re wrong.
AL FRANKEN