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One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I’ve always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
TV always wants more people to be watching.
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More People Television Want Watch
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Away Creativity Something Stand Up Walk Want
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander So Try Want
I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.
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Battle Brand Easy Fought Fulfillment Goal Matter One Personal Really Sacrifice Worth
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
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Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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Fell Job Love Miserable One Performing Realize Slowly Stand Unhappy
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”
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Anyone Failure Fall Going Many Powered Success
I like grown up comedy.
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Comedy Grown Like Up
Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can’t wait to get back. Can’t wait to have some Timbits.
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Back Country Some Toronto Wait Waiting
Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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Equalizer Inspirational Karaoke
I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.
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Amusement Brush Childhood Life Luckily Moment Other Painful Torture Wrenching

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