“Because we all fail – and I’m ready, I’ll take up carpentry.”

People saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them

We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

Who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

They feel they have to look after their image.

You’re entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

We only have one agenda, which is to make ’em laugh their pants off.

I’m waiting for the time when I fail

On stage, we just want to generate hysteria. We don’t care about looking cool or posing.

Performers like Tommy Cooper

From the stage I’ve seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

But there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

Most modern comedy is crap.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour

A lot of people are obsessed with looking cool.

Here is all I ask of a book- give me everything. Everything, and don’t leave out a single word.

We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it.

I took his suggestion to heart and went from a “know-it-all” to a “learn-it-all.”

I’ve always believed that dreams were both the love letters and the hate mail of the subconscious.

Physical beauty is passing – a transitory possession – but beauty of the mind, richness of the spirit, tenderness of the heart – I have all these things – aren’t taken away but grow! Increase with the years!

Nobody sees anybody truly, but all through the flaws of their own ego.

In all these years, you never believed I loved you. And I did. I did so much. I did love you. I even loved your hate and your hardness.

In fact, for all kinds of offenses – and, for no offenses – from murders to misdemeanors, men and women are put to death without judge or jury; so that, although the political excuse was no longer necessary, the wholesale murder of human beings went on just the same.