“Most modern comedy is crap.”

People saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them

We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

Who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

They feel they have to look after their image.

You’re entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

We only have one agenda, which is to make ’em laugh their pants off.

Because we all fail – and I’m ready, I’ll take up carpentry.

I’m waiting for the time when I fail

On stage, we just want to generate hysteria. We don’t care about looking cool or posing.

Performers like Tommy Cooper

From the stage I’ve seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

But there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour

A lot of people are obsessed with looking cool.

Everything government touches turns to crap.

Lyrically we tried to just not be the same as a lot of the other crap that is out there right now.

Well, first he called me up to tell me to clear my crap back out of his shop – and he said, “

There’s few things that get you over your own crap more than working hard.

Latin food suffers like Chinese. You can do marginal Chinese and be successful. You can do crappy Mexican and be packed.

The principle of Sturgeon’s Razor states that the simplest answer to any problem is 90% crap

Everyone has an opinion of who you are and what your relationship is about, things that you’ve done or didn’t do in your relationship – and it’s just all crap, really. Things that are written about it are all crap.

Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the crap out of me.