Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARAMy dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA