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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARA

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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
ADAM FERRARA

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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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I don’t think it’s fair – you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.
ADAM FERRARA

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