““Poor guy or poor girl, get offstage. You’re killing us.” But if you get onstage and you don’t sing that well but you give it your all, people will be like, “Yeah, I’ll chug beer to this!”.”

We [me and friends] like to have surprising stories, but the dynamic and the friendship is the same.

Comics know that they do best. They might not be best to rewrite to another person’s comedy, but they know what is best for them. Luckily,

” But, in fact, if you do something you like to do and you’re good at it, you’re going to find someone who will like you for that reason.

When you go out with your crew of friends and you get into trouble, at the end of the night when you come home, you’re still the same crew of friends. It’s just the story that you have to tell.

Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.

Listen to your cool, drunk uncle who tells you to lie. Those are the relationships that last.

People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.

It’s really about committing super-hard to whatever you’re trying to create. In essence, I’m just copying my favorite comedic actors, and it’s the people who make me laugh the hardest who commit the hardest.

I come from both a writing background – with ‘Workaholics’ – and I also act in what I’ve written.

If you like standup and decide that it’s overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.

I’m always thinking, ‘my career is over, I have to move back to Omaha, and work on the railroad, with the rest of my family. So no, I’m never thinking I’ve ‘arrived.’ I think that’s a good way to be.

What’s cool about renting is that you don’t care about your house getting destroyed. So I think that is the number

The thing about singing is that if you’re having fun while doing it then people will have fun watching you do it.

Shakespeare was a smart dude. He was the president of Rome.

In high school I was worried about singing in a choir not being a cool thing, like “I want girls to like me so I don’t want to do something that’s not cool.

“Poor guy or poor girl, get offstage. You’re killing us.” But if you get onstage and you don’t sing that well but you give it your all, people will be like, “Yeah, I’ll chug beer to this!”.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates (470-399 B.C.) “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t

I am a vegetable man anyway. And I also get a lot of rest. That’s the key I may be up early, but I’m in bed early too.

A Labour minister gets it in the neck if he looks at his neighbour’s wife over the garden fence.

One can be very much in love with a woman without wishing to spend the rest of one’s life with her.

As a basketball fan, I get sick and tired of people talking about numbers. To me, the world is getting too materialistic.

When I get sick of what men do, I have only to walk a few steps in another direction to see what spiders do. Or what the weather does. This sustains me very well indeed.

Until you show you can handle what you’ve got, you won’t get any more!

The first year was hard for me to deal with. The second year was a little bit easier, but still difficult. It took me five years to get it out of me. It was a difficult moment, a difficult time.